星语心愿
星语心愿
曲 编:金培达词:高雪岚
我要控制我自己
不会让谁看见我哭泣
装作漠不关心你
不愿想起你
怪自己没有勇气
心痛得无法呼吸
找不到你留下的痕迹
眼睁睁的看见你
却无能为力
任你消失在世界的尽头
找不到坚强的理由
再也感觉不到你的温柔
告诉我星空在那头
那里是否有尽头
心痛得无法呼吸
找不到昨天留下的痕迹
眼睁睁的看见你
却无能为力
任你消失在世界的尽头
找不到坚强的理由
再也感觉不到你的温柔
告诉我星空在那头
那里是否有尽头
就向流星许个心愿
让你知道我爱你
Why I choose this song? because it is like my now.. but this is 2nd song.. my 1st song which is refering me is reflaction. I always control myself.. Dun wan let myself cry again. because he told me before, he scare the people he love cry he will gone crazy if he saw it. We already end our relationship, however didnt means i already didnt love him. But what I can do is to act like didnt care him at all.. become fren back.. even look at him very painful i also can't help i really feel useless... he stop his treatment already. but i still cannot help him.. i really useless.. and he become cold and cold towards me.. hmm.. izzit not the things i wan? i tot i wan he being cold towards me.. but.. how come i also very sad to saw it?
haiz...
3/5/2006 Night 1945
ya.. here am I to write those unhappy things again... I being play by my boy friend... should i continue call him ask boy friend? I don't think so...
My friend kelly meet A inside the skype through the introduce by joe(My school friend also). The 1st day they meet.. A(My boy friend) asked Kelly to become his girl friend.. He told Kelly he currently don't have any girl friend.. online or real life also don't have... ... If he don't have girl friend.. What Is me?
I remember these happen when tuesday.. Because of I no mood so I no write about this on that day. Kelly at school very happy.. She come and told us she have a online boy friend yesterday(Means monday) night. And this BF asked her go play SDO with him. Then she said the download rate very slow.. I got play SDO so I said no need DL, just come my house and I copy and CD for her.. and she accept my idea.
After school, she went to my house with me after co-curikulum activities. When I open computer my skype will auto connect de. When copying the CD for her, I open my skype and want to chat with my BF. Then she said "You also know my BF ar?" I was shock... I asked, who is your boy friend?. She answer " This lo.."(and pointed on my BF conve). I was very shock.. angry.. sad.. and I asked her since when. And she told me Yesterday night(Monday) lo. Then I request ask her sent me the history.. And these is what she sent to me..
K : Kelly
M : My BF
K : do you have any gf currently?
M : nope
K : online and real life also no?
M : dont have
K : eans that i have a chance too. haha
M : should be i have chance le
M: haha
K : haha.. really?
M: eap
M: yeap
K: 1st day meet you then want to become a couple ..lo
M: u want ar>?
K: so fast?
M: if u want i dont mind
K: i still no really well known about you yet
M: fast meh
M: i got gf last time 5 mins only i got her lo
K: last 5 minutes? lol
K: that was super fast
M: no....5 mins only i got her to become my gf le
M: my friends also shock
K: can i know how you get her? that was very interesting
M: from the streets de
K: wa
K: from the streets
M : ya
.
.
M : u only wanna be friends with me ar?
M: (blush)
K: lol
K: can have any relationship further than that?
M : dont lol la
K: haha.
M: u want of course have
M: real life gf also can if u want
K: really?
M: if u want
K: If I really want it? lol
K: Because for normal people.. 1 day really too fast
M: we r not normal
K: lol are we special?
M: yes we r
K: lol
K: so.. what should you call me?
M: what u want me to call u
M: u choose ba
K: haha
K: this time I let you choose ok?
M: nono i gentleman lai de
M: u choose
K: lol
K: mm...
K: how about dear? it is short and simple
K: or darling if you want
M: u choose what u want me to call u n what u wanna call me
K: haha
M: darling ba
K: lol ok darling
M: then what u want to call me?
K : i thought will be the same?
M: can be diff ma
.
.
Other things i cut already.. When I reading this I already crying.. Why I trust him so much love him so much and he want to do these thing to me..
I couper with whoever I also dint care about he need to buy me whatever or got buy whatever to me or not. But after I know about Kelly's Case.. Then i suddenly remember he single money also don't want spend on me. Somemore keep on borrow silvers(From wmo) from the friends and ask them come find me take $$. Then I finally know why he choose me. Maybe because of I have many silvers inside the server? Or he only want to play fun around me so wont spend single money on me. If not why he spend money on his charecther also never think about want to spend on me? Last time i gave him 5m inside the game. Then he went borrow 4 M from A girl and got ask me help him return but I didn't and finally he ask 4m from other people and return it. After a while more he go ask B girl and borrow another 4m and ask that B girl find me take back the 4m. He said he quitting game, but why he still want to spend money on that game.. he lie to me again... ...
Tuesday after i read the things, I got talk with him. I ask him why Kelly said she is his GF he said that was his nephew Alferd. Because I got talked with Joe and I ask her about this things. the 70x GF is she listen from A de... and this is exercly what Mike told Kelly... And I request want to skype with his nephew-B. And we do connected our Skype. However he said his mic got problem cannot talk. But I can listen on He is typing the keyboard eventhough he is using the laptop.
After a while more his nephew come skype find me said A in fever and dont want go hospital.. I really love him I can't sit and look at he pain.. So i said i forgive about him and trust him.. and he said want to play sdo with me before he go hospital and we played. Inside the sdo, I got look at the score. At the begin of the song his score was same as mine. Before the ending the score of him sudden'y stopped and didnt raise.. Mean he didnt play that song at almost the end. not 1st song but 2 and 3rd songs also same. I asked him why like that he said his finger suddenly wont move.. Fine,.. i trust.. but after I ask.. he can miss after some notes.. miss 1 or 2 after 40 or 50 notes continue like that and said is his nephew is played for him what and what... I found that many and many lie from his mouth already.. Already have many.. enough.. already enough.. but I still want he go hospital so i didnt say anythings.
Until at night, he asked me is i trust him because of I want him enter hospital? inside my heart really don'thave the answer. My heart become 2 side.. 1st is "Yes.. I'm" 2nd is "No.. I'm not" but I only type, no.. i really trust you..
Today(Friday) he msg me . yes he got.. but I only reply 3 sms to him.. After he said want me to call him I already stop sms him. Why? because I don't want to spend any single money on a boy who cheated me.. yes.. i don't want spend any again. I chat with my friend whole afternoon.. we talked a lots about him.. and finally i deside to tell him.. "sorry.. I can't control myself to keep thinking about you lie on me.. Maybe that was truth about your nephew is really appear and cheated Kelly.. But I feel not save with you again.. really..."(Until now this sms i haven't sent out."
I don't know what I want to do.. I already because of this keep cough from wednessday until now.. and keep playing sdo to make myself to forget about this.. I really.. dont know what to do.. when i remember how he treat me(of coz got good and got bad.. but ehre i refer to bad) i really angry and sad... I remember 1 time he angry me and said "This is high level people de problem, you better shut up..." and.. "I am talking with xxx you no need type" and when playing game and I high lvl then him "yala yala I know you high level you pro I nood la.." and when playing sdo keep force me use high speed although i said i cant.. and borrow money from friend but ask them come find me take $$(I not ATM) and this time... I really don't want continue to check.. I scare if i checked and that alferd is not appear.. I will be more hurt.. more.. hurt... .. i rather stop our relationship now.. As if what he said is truth.. by what he done towards me from the pass.. i think i wont "hou hui" on I end the relationship with him now...
Lastly, A.. I'm sorry about it.. maybe you didnt read my blog because you never care about my single change on my profile.. Or you don't want to care about my blogs also.. I do hope you never read this blog.. Anyways... sorry again.. sorry.. for everythings...
-Venus-
